What No One Tells You About Fertility, Genetics & Building a Family

Inside the Conversation

The conversation touched on many of the questions that come up when building a family doesn’t unfold exactly as expected, from understanding the role genetics can play before pregnancy to navigating fertility treatment, IVF, and surrogacy. Throughout the episode, hosts MJ and Liat helped bring together both the personal and professional sides of these topics, with Lila and Stephanie sharing their expertise alongside candid conversations about the information, decisions, and emotions that can shape the path to parenthood.

Why Genetics Belongs in the Conversation Before Pregnancy

The conversation explored the important role genetics can play in family building, including what genetic counseling actually is and the value of having these conversations before pregnancy.

A board-certified reproductive genetic counselor with more than a decade of experience in reproductive and prenatal genetics, Lila has counseled thousands of patients before and during pregnancy. Through Genevie Health, she is focused on making genetic counseling and testing more accessible proactively, rather than waiting until a pregnancy or health concern creates a reason to seek it out.

As Lila explained during the episode, genetic counseling goes far beyond ordering a test. A genetic counselor looks at personal and family history, helps determine which testing may be appropriate, explains the potential benefits and limitations, and helps patients understand what their results may actually mean for them and their families.

For people preparing to build a family, that information can be especially valuable.

Carrier screening, family history, and other forms of genetic testing can sometimes identify potential risks before pregnancy, giving prospective parents an opportunity to better understand their options and make informed decisions about how they want to move forward.

But more testing is not necessarily better testing. Genetic information is most valuable when the right testing is being done for the right reasons and the results are interpreted in the context of the individual receiving them.

That distinction is important. Access to information is one thing. Understanding what to do with that information is another. Helping clients bridge that gap is an important part of Lila’s work at Genevie Health, providing the context and guidance needed to understand what genetic information may mean for them and their families.

The Emotional Reality of Fertility Treatment

The conversation also moved beyond medicine and into something equally important: what it actually feels like to experience infertility.

MJ spoke candidly about her own path to motherhood, including IVF and the complications she experienced during pregnancy. Her willingness to share her experience brought a deeply personal perspective to the conversation.

For anyone who has experienced infertility, there is often an enormous difference between understanding fertility treatment medically and living through it personally.

Appointments, medications, procedures, waiting for results, financial considerations, difficult decisions, and uncertainty can become part of everyday life. And while fertility treatment has become more openly discussed in recent years, the emotional experience can still feel incredibly private and isolating.

There can also be a tendency to think of IVF as the solution when, for many people, IVF itself is only one part of a much longer process.

Sometimes treatment works quickly. Sometimes it takes multiple attempts. Sometimes the path changes entirely and leads to conversations about donor eggs, donor sperm, surrogacy, or other options that were never part of the original plan.

That can be a tremendous amount to process while simultaneously trying to make thoughtful decisions about something as personal as creating a family.

Why Surrogacy Can Feel So Overwhelming at First

As the conversation turned to the different ways families are built, Stephanie Levich shared her perspective from more than two decades working in family building, including what intended parents often experience when they first begin considering surrogacy.

For many intended parents, one of the biggest hurdles is simply understanding how the process works. No one is expected to know how to navigate surrogacy from the outset.

Intended parents suddenly find themselves learning about agencies, medical requirements, legal considerations, insurance, escrow, compensation, matching, and countless other details, often while still processing the experiences that brought them to surrogacy in the first place.

And then there is the emotional reality of trusting another person to carry your child.

In the beginning, that concept can understandably feel enormous.

But something often changes once a potential surrogate stops being an abstract idea and becomes a real person. You meet her. You learn about her family, her motivations, her personality, and why she wants to become a surrogate. You begin building a relationship.

For many intended parents, some of the fear that felt so consuming at the beginning starts to give way to trust and even excitement.

That transformation is one of the reasons the matching process matters so much. Finding a surrogate is not simply about locating someone who meets a list of requirements. It is about finding the right fit between people who are entering into an incredibly meaningful relationship together.

At Family Match Consulting, this philosophy is at the heart of our highly personalized matching process. We take the time to understand each intended parent’s priorities, preferences, and unique circumstances, helping them identify potential matches that feel right on paper and, just as importantly, have the foundation for a strong relationship throughout the journey.

There Is No One Right Way to Build a Family

Perhaps the most important takeaway from the conversation was also the simplest: the path to parenthood does not always look the way someone imagined it would.

For some, building a family may involve fertility treatment or IVF. For others, it may mean considering an egg or sperm donor, working with a surrogate, navigating unexpected genetic information, or making decisions they never anticipated facing.

None of those paths makes a family more or less meaningful.

The more openly we talk about infertility, genetics, IVF, donor conception, and surrogacy, the less isolating these experiences become for the people living them.

And whether someone is just beginning to think about having children or is already well into a complicated family-building process, having knowledgeable people around them can make an overwhelming path feel far more manageable.

Listen to the Full Conversation

Listen to “What No One Tells You About Fertility, Genetics & Creating Your Family” on Heal 2 Feel with Liat Gerszt & Mercedes Javid for the full conversation with Stephanie Levich and Lila Dayani about fertility, genetics, IVF, surrogacy, and the many different ways families are built.

About Lila Dayani: Lila Dayani, MS, MS, LCGC, is a board-certified reproductive genetic counselor and founder of Genevie Health, where she provides proactive genetic counseling and testing focused on reproductive health, preconception planning, and general health.

About Stephanie Levich: Stephanie Levich is the founder and CEO of Family Match Consulting, an independent egg donor, sperm donor, and surrogacy search and consulting firm helping intended parents navigate family building with personalized guidance, independent advocacy, and access to a trusted nationwide network of agencies and professionals.